I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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