so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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