I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
