So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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