Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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