I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
