I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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