it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
