I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize