So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Life is so much better after having sex.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
