I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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