Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
