Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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