Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Damn victory sex feels great
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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