I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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