I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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