You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
