Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You're so nebulous sometimes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
