No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
