drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
