so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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