You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
