We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
