I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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