farters have to be the big spoon...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
