I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
