How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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