I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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