Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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