You work out of a Hotel?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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