some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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