Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just want to make out with him forever
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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