Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will be naked everywhere
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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