I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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