I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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