how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We need a shit load of segways right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
