You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
