This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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