i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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