I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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