hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
