i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
