Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
