He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
