Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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