My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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