When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i think my cat just said my name.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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