So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
