omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
