i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
