yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
