I want to make a zoo with you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
