I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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