Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
