Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
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Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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