I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
