Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
