there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
