Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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