Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
