I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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