how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
