I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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