it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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