Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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