All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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