I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
