does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
