I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
