One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
