Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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