im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
