She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
